I am not a nice person. I am frank, and I can be funny, but I’m not nice. Some people take my sarcasm seriously and take my honesty as a joke. That is not my fault. That being said, this post was written out of the pettiness of my heart, and I am owning up to that. I am not disillusioned by my pettiness, nor am I going to say that it was not my fault that this situation happened.
Now, let’s begin.
Something I have learned is that when you are in a class in college, and that class is a leadership class, you need to know what parts of you to bring to that group and what parts to bury in a grave 20ft down never to see the light again. This is a social skill that you learn from a very young age: How to interact with certain groups of people. For example, when you are with your family, do you say and do the same stupid things that you would do with your friends? When you are babysitting, do you use the same tone of voice, say the same things, or do the same activities that you would do if you were teaching a group of college kids? I hope the answer is no. And of course there are many reasons for that. You don’t cuss around little kids, small children generally cannot understand advanced mathematics, and your family doesn’t understand that inside joke that you have with Betty from Theta Apple Pie about Brad from Alpha Gym Shorts.
This applies between college groups too. You have your close friends (your inner circle that you spend the most time with), your friends (people you chill with, might grab food with every once in a while, but not the ones you go on long trips to the depths of the emotional south), and your acquaintances (group project people, people from high school that add you on Facebook even though you’ve never talked to each other in real life, that one guy that works in Espresso who knows your order but not your name, etc.).
DON’T EVER GET THESE GROUPS CONFUSED.
This was mistake #1. I tried to be funny and relatable with acquaintances. When I try to be funny and relatable with acquaintances I come off as a total asshole. Props to me, I know. Mistake #2: Telling my acquaintances how I truly felt about the project (It was a waste of time and pain in my ass).
I had informed my group that I was really busy that night (we met up around 9 or 10pm) and that I would only have time for an hour or so of meeting. This being said, it means that I have A LOT of stuff to do, I’m really tired, and I don’t particularly want to be working on this project right now. All I had to do was show up, agree with the project, and then get my portion of the work done. Right?
At the time of this meeting I was exhausted. I was done with group projects, and lord help me if I had to do any more BS for a group that didn’t appreciate me. The meeting started okay. I had to come late due to prior engagements, as did another group member. When I arrived, I sat down, pulled out my laptop, and started taking notes as usual. And again, as usual, my group members all started spitting ideas at me as if they weren’t allowed to do anything until I showed up and started taking notes. We eventually come to the topic of ‘don’t we have a group evaluation coming up soon?’ to which I said ‘yes’ and they all started talking about how they were going to answer the evaluation. This seemed pointless to me, as they are INDIVIDUAL group evaluations for the whole team. I’m not going to plan out or tell you what I’m going to put on an evaluation form that I don’t have the answers to, or won’t be doing for another week. These are group members that I would have no problem on accurately reflecting for because we were not going to be working outside of class too much, class ends in a few weeks, and they would not be seeing me again because they are either graduating, or in a completely different major from me. I informed them of such and did not get a positive response. Some were very upset that I said that I would not be working with them again due to the fact that we are all going our separate ways. It’s all a matter of perspective at this point. I meant it as ‘We’re all moving next semester. I won’t get offended by what you post because it will build on feedback that I have and will be beneficial to us all because we will have honest opinions for each other’ of course I said it in a manner that came across as ‘Screw you guys, I’ll never have to work with you guys ever again so I don’t care what you write about me’. Communication guys. Communication is key.
Now some of you are like ‘Raye. That was just you asking for negative feedback. You ASKED to be ripped apart on that one.’ Yes. You are correct. But I also wanted to share with you that you get what you ask for in group projects, and that should you ever feel like you should be brutally honest with anyone outside of your inner circle, do NOT expect to get the same reaction. I had a momentary lapse in that sense of judgement, and I can guarantee that it will happen in the future. But you have to recognize your mistakes and learn from them so that they will get less and less frequent in the future. To end this petty rant, always use the long way to explain offensive things or things that might come off as offensive. It sounds prettier and your group mates won’t be as mad at you.